Jesus house

Today I helped in the serving line at Jesus House. This is a shelter providing services for the homeless and recovering in Oklahoma City. There were a few volunteer faces from the City Rescue service and some new faces. It was very gratifying again. All of the workers and people kept telling us how much they appreciated us and kept thanking us. I heard so many enthusiastic asalamu ailakoms from people being served. It was actually really cute. It's their way of reaching out and saying "hey I know something about you!" I just want to know where they learned it. I had to leave before we cleaned up so there were some people loitering around outside. A lady came up to me and briefly wanted to chit chat. She stood at my truck window asking me about this and that. It was nice to talk to a friendly stranger. I noticed the people at Jesus House seemed to be more destitute than the people at City Rescue Mission. Again this was very humbling for me. I also learned that these service projects are part of a bigger project that started last Ramadan. 30 projects in 30 days. These projects include service to the community, events at masjids, Governor's iftar, 30 mosque interviews, and other projects that can be scheduled in.

This great time came after a bad experience yesterday. I went to 711 to pull money out of the ATM. A person was parked across 4 parking spots waiting for someone to come out. I waited for 45 seconds before politely honking my horn to let the person know I was there. Instead of politely moving the person honked back and started to flail their arms wildly and did not move. I pulled my rather large truck in front of them and parked. As I walked into the store this guy starts yelling racial obscenities at me. So being Rebecka I said some rather unflattering things back. Everyone around just stared at me open mouthed. I apologized but couldn't help laughing inside because people just don't expect #1 for you to say anything back #2 for someone in scarf to say those kinds of things. Now I know this is not the way to be in Ramadan. It's not the character of a muslim woman etc. etc.. I don't need to be reminded. However, the kind of people who act like that in public are not going to respond to muslims dancing around throwing flowers in the air singing peace. They need to know I can and will stand up for myself on a level they can understand. I have been in a couple of physical fights with people who have taken it to that level. I have had several verbal fights with people who have taken it to that level. I will go there when pushed. It does take a lot. I used to feel bad about this. One day I brother I used to work closely with explained that some people are fighters. He said many of the sahaba fought often. Not just in big battles but also standing up for themselves and other Muslims. I don't know if thats true but I related to it. Honestly, I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being a beacon of religion. I just want to wear my scarf and not have to explain it.

Staying home

This is the first Ramadan I have stayed home. I haven't been to any social events or the masjid for taraweh. It has been the least stressful and most fullfilling Ramadan yet because it has been simple. I complicate my life too much and make extra problems and stresses for myself. Taraweh at the masjid is too late this year for Ali to get up for school and myself to get up for work. I have had the peace of doing it at home by myself. This has also led me to reflect more deeply in what I am reading during this time instead of trying to keep up with the Imam reciting or worrying about what Ali is doing and who is yelling at him. There is wisdom in all of our religion and I have now understood the wisdom behind women performing prayers at home. It's not sexist it makes things easier for those who have home responsibilities. I do miss seeing the youth run around the masjid and the eager faces of the fasting waiting to break fast but al hamdullah I am having a great time nonetheless.

Parts of Ramadan

Ramadan is broken up into three parts each lasting ten days. The first part Rahmat means God's mercy. My husband jooked that is why the first ten days of Ramadan are easier because God is merciful. The second part Maghfirat means God's forgiveness. The last part ten days are known as Nijat translates as salvation. It is also in the last ten days when many Muslims perform itikaff (staying) in the Masjid and the night of Laylat al-Qadr is revealed.

We are now in the second part. I am seeking God's forgiveness. We pray, give carity, and do other good deeds to promote good welfare between each other and please God so that we may have his favor on the day of judgement. Fasting in Ramadan is only for God.

This Ramadan has been my best yet as far as attitude and good will. I haven't fought or snapped at anyone (to the best of my knowledge). I think with the death of my son Allah has placed a peacefullness in my heart. A different focus from the perceived fancies of this life. God Willing. I am looking for the forgiveness of Allah.

Volunteering

Today I volunteered at the City Rescue Mission. What a great way to spend my time. Instead of sitting around waiting to break fast I did something more constructive with my time. I really didn't know what to expect because it was my first time in a shelter organization. It was really fun, alhamdu'allah. The people were extremely nice, helpful, and grateful. I enjoyed talking with all the recipients of the missions services as well as the employees with the Bridge to life organization (BTL).

At one point a small boy came up to the counter to ask for more watermelon. He was about seven years old with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He was standing next to his grandfather. Sarah tried to engage him by kindly saying "saving the best for last?" He didn't hear her so his grandfather repeated the words to him. He smiled not fully understanding and too eager to get his yummy watermelon for chit chat. Tears welled in my eyes.

After I left I felt very tranquil and thankful. Thankful for all that I have and the blessing Allah has given me. Its good to give back to the community but in a more selfish way it's good to reflect and remember there are those who live a very different life. Appreciate what Allah has provided.

And Allah has brought you out from the wombs of your mothers while you know nothing. And He gave you hearing, sight and hearts that you might give thanks (to Allah)." [16:78]

Ramadan hadith

Abu Huraira related that the Prophet said: Allah the Majestic and Exalted said: "Every deed of man will receive ten to 700 times reward, except Siyam (fasting), for it is for Me and I shall reward it (as I like). There are two occasions of joy for one who fasts: one when he breaks the fast and the other when he will meet his Lord" (Muslim).

Out of the mouths of babes

Subhan'allah. My son asked me if we could make some water when we went home. I had to explain how we couldn't make water. Only Allah can make water. I realized at that moment how much I don't think about the creation of Allah. I often think about the miracles and scientific proofs in the Quran but I don't stop to think about water.

Water is the most basic unit of human life. We are mostly made of it and will die with out it. And we can't make it. How insignificant we are.

Sayings of ramadan

Narrated Abu Huraira(r.a): The Prophet said:"... whoever fasts during Ramadan out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven." (Sahih Al-Bukhari).

Curbing the backbiting bug

O assembly of those who have believed with their tongues, but into whose hearts faith has not yet reached! Do not backbite the Muslims, nor seek out their secrets! For, whoever seeks out the faults of his brother, Allah will seek out his secrets. And, whoever has his secrets sought out by Allah, Allah will disgrace him, even [if he hides] in the depths of his house. [Abu Dawud in al-Adab, 4/271, #4880]

"Beware of backbiting, for backbiting is more serious than adultery. A man may commit adultery, and drink [wine], and then repent, and Allah will forgive him. But, the backbiter will not be forgiven by Allah until his [backbited] companion forgives him." [Suyuti, Al-Jami` as-Saghir, 1/174, #2919, from Ibn Abid-Dunya, and Abush-Shaykh, Al-Tawbikh.]

Ahh the trap of gossip. I have long known that with certain people I know the conversation will revolve around other people. Mostly the bad things about other people. I am focusing on learning how to avoid or redirect the conversation. This is going to be my main focus this Ramadan. I think this is a major downfall for myself ... listening and engaging in.

In the past I have tried to avoid pople because of this tendency for evil speech. Now I am getting more mature and learning how to redirect conversation. I am looking for exampples and models to follow. I have one sister that I am asking to sit with and explore how she maintains a beneficial conversation with her sisters.

I am usually a quite person. I read a hadith that mentioned staying quite instead of participating in vain talk. I want to be able to also stop vain talk. I just feel so rude and some what self righteous to remind others but I am focusing on my flaws and looking for Allah to cover or excuse my sins on judgement day.

What about you? Do you have that group or person you vent to or release to? Are you ready to change that this Ramadan? Insha'allah make the intention. Let your friends know. Ask them for their support and gentle reminders. Let's help each other become better Muslims this year.